


I Don't, I Swear

by zipzin



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, Post 2X06, Pre-Relationship, just in the background, not a main character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-08-31 04:04:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8563276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zipzin/pseuds/zipzin
Summary: Alex really thought that this would all be easier.  Post 2x06





	1. Chapter 1

It takes one night.  With Kara bursting in, she cries in her arms until her eyes are dry and her throat is weak.  It takes one night, but after that she stands up.  She brushes herself off, and she heads back to life.  She didn’t need Sawyer before and she doesn’t need her now.

Mon-El is gone.  Something is wrong with J’onn.  Alex has never been more grateful for how demanding her job is. There’s no time to sit around and contemplate what she’s going to do about Sawyer, and when her phone rings, she lets it go to voicemail.  She does have a job to do.

In between the worry, Kara needles her, takes her to different shops around the city and quizzes her on which girls she thinks are cute.  It’s frustrating, Kara would never take no for an answer, but it also feels like the first time she is able to breathe.

“What?” Kara asked after Alex grumbled under her breath.  “I’ve known you for 20 years and I still don’t know your type.”  Alex tries not to grin too widely, but there is a reason that people love Kara.

Sure, she goes back home and sits down with a whiskey in her hand and tries not to think of how lost she is, how lost she’s been her whole life, how sometimes it feels like her sister who is a literal alien fits in better than she does.  She knows she’s being selfish, but she needs it.  And she goes to bed and tries not to think too hard.

Sawyer is completely professional when she sees her again and that hurts even more.  There’s a dead body, and only an alien could have the strength to punch through someone to the other side.  She tries not to smirk when Kara lands from out of the sky and treats Sawyer like a suspect.  It’s a little unfair, but she enjoys seeing Sawyer squirm.

“Danvers.” Alex turns and Sawyer shifts on her both feet, “Look, I’m sorry it’s just-”

“No, don’t worry about it.” Alex says and the lie falls easily on her lips.  She’s been doing it her whole life after all. “I just need to sort things out on my own.”

Sawyer gives her a frown, she knows the lie, she’s done it herself, but she’s kind enough that she doesn’t call her out on it.  “Well, I’m still here if you need me.”   Alex nods and doesn’t look back.

It hurts more than watching her kiss her ex-girlfriend.

Kara tries everyday and it gets better.  Her smile gets looser, and she gets relaxed, and she doesn’t think about how her heart has been crushed every moment.  J’onn is still being weird and he won’t talk to her.

The super strength alien racks up more kills and only a fool would miss the signs.  Kara corners Mon-El in a parking lot, and tries to talk to him.  She comes back with her whole body shaking and swearing that it wasn’t really him.  Alex bites her cheek and carries on the investigation.

It really should have been obvious that Cadmus was behind it.  Alex feels almost as foolish as when she kissed Sawyer, but it helps that J’onn is equally as displeased with himself.  She wasn’t the only one.

“You alright?” She asks him wondering how anyone could feel okay.

He stares at her as if he’s seen a ghost and mutters out a yes.  She wants to tell him that if she’s learned anything these past couple weeks, that it is okay to not be okay.

Kara wrestles Mon-El into a cell and they all wince as he yells and screams that he isn’t an animal and doesn’t deserve this treatment.  As he pounds his hands against the walls long enough, that if he was human, all the bones would be broken.  They shuffle home and try not to think too hard what they did to him.

J’onn won’t look her in the eye and Kara is wondering about what she did wrong, and Alex feels like there’s order when she wraps Kara in her arms and whispers that it’s going to be alright.

“But you saw him.” Kara all but cries. “How did I go all wrong?”

“It wasn’t him.  It was what Cadmus did to him.” Alex whispers into her hair and swears not for the first time that she is going to destroy anything that Cadmus so much as touched.  “We’ll help him.  Look at least he’s all there and he doesn’t have any enhancements.”

Kara mumbles out a, “That we know of.” and gradually falls asleep into Alex’s arms and she carries her to bed and tucks her in.  She walks back to her apartment and plays with her phone until she makes up her mind and finds the contact.

“It’s Sawyer.” She answers in one ring and Alex is frozen because, God, it shouldn’t hurt this much still.

“Hey.” Alex settles on.  “We got the perp.”

“Yeah?” Sawyer says and Alex swears she won’t read into the tone of her voice.  “Why was he doing it.”

“It’s Cadmus.” Alex says and it doesn’t take much to imagine the hardening of Sawyer’s face. “We don’t know the full story, he isn’t being cooperative.”

“But he’s not dead.” Sawyer says and they both sit in silence.

“No.” Alex agrees and she wonders what stopped them from placing a bomb in his head.

“You need a drink?” Sawyer asks and Alex feels a part of her begging her to say yes, but she shakes her head until she realizes that Sawyer can’t see her.

“Not tonight.” Alex says, “But maybe some other time.”

“Cool.” Sawyer says and they hang up.

She won’t read into that whole conversation on the way home, she swears.  She won’t.  She won’t wonder whether Sawyer smiled when she saw the caller I.D.  She won’t wonder if Sawyer is as dissatisfied by the conversation, that she wants more, and the invite to the drink was just perfunctory. She won’t.

She’ll just keep trying to convince herself that Sawyer is right.  That being a newly discovered gay means that she shouldn’t get involved with someone she cares for tremendously.  That she would just fuck it up.  That she should go out and explore and hope that newly minted gay isn’t printed on her forehead.  She’ll convince herself of that.

She’ll convince herself that she won’t always love Maggie Sawyer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple of you requested for more, so here's some from Maggie's perspective.

“Alex.” Maggie called after as she brought her hand to her lips and watched the disappearing back.  She bites back from the urge to cry and follows Danvers out.  She’s already gone.

A part of her wants to yell, but she just wanders home.  She wants to stare into Danvers eyes and tell her that neither of them are in a place for a relationship.  Not for something serious anyway.  The wounds her ex clawed into her are still scabs, and she needs them to turn into scars.

And Alex.  Maggie has been down this road before, she helped girls out, people she’s really liked and been attracted to, and it has happened enough times for her to know that it would stupid to plunge in.

Alex may be confident that Maggie is who she wants, but Maggie remembers the stings of girls leaving her, thanking her for helping them out, and wish her well.  And Maggie is left alone with a broken heart.  So no, Alex needed to take some time, realize that there were other gay girls, and then realize that this was all a giant mistake and laugh about it.  Sure, they might be a little forced on Maggie’s part, but it wasn’t like that would be the first time.

Sawyer entered her empty apartment and collapsed on the couch all her energy vanished and buried her face in her hands.  This was not how it was supposed to go.

She was straight.  Alex was straight.  Maggie was allowed to flirt and admire, cause hell, any woman who struts into a crime scene like her must know how appealing she is.  Maggie was allowed to get attached to the smart Agent Danvers. They were allowed cause there weren’t any feelings involved.  Maggie was in a relationship.  Alex was straight.  But no, she wasn’t and when Alex had shakingly confessed that, Maggie couldn’t have been more proud.  But it sure as complicated a lot.

Alex ignores her and Maggie can’t find it in her to even be annoyed.  Hell, if she was in Alex’s position she would do the same.  The sting of rejection would last for a while, but Maggie was sure that Alex would come around. After all, Maggie would need to have a decent partner again.

When they get the body, Maggie relishes calling her a little too much, and is scared that she might send someone else.  But no, Alex comes and is all sharp edges again and Maggie can deal with that. She nods and she’s Danvers again, and Supergirl practically corners her and accuses her of the crime (if she did she sure wouldn’t be at NCPD).  A part of her wonders what she did to Supergirl, but they haven’t really interacted together, and Maggie brushes it off.  Even superheroes need stress relief.

Danvers (she shouldn’t even call her Alex in her head) definitely has more on her mind than just the super strength alien, and Maggie will respect that.  Sure, Maggie will be at the alien bar (she knows that Danvers will avoid it as long as she can) and furtively glances at the pool table.  Even M’gann notices, and she’s been very nervous and distracted lately.  Maggie knows it isn’t her place, but she needs something to help her ignore the numb feeling that’s threatening to overwhelm her.

“You okay?”

M’gann eyes her warily and nods once and then moves down the bar.  Maggie shrugs, it was worth a try, and then calls it an early night.

Maggie wonders why her ex’s words ring so loudly in her head.  She’s been called those things before, she doesn’t even think she can really deny them.  When you hear a word often enough you wonder if that many people are wrong.

She wants to yell that it doesn’t matter, that no, she’s happy.  But she isn’t.  And she hasn’t figured out how to change that yet.  Maybe she can’t.  But she wants to.  If only she knew how.

Danvers gets a little warmer, and Maggie pretends she doesn’t see her hide a smile.  She can pretend.  They both can.  They case gets worse, and then it’s over, and her phone is ringing and Maggie can’t believe it and answers.

It’s a start.

It’s a lot better.

Maggie feels like her smile isn’t quite so fake and going to work isn’t quite so bad, because if Alex doesn’t love her, than she will still be there.  And it will hurt to see her with other girls, but Maggie has thought the love of her life has left her before.  And she got over it.  And yeah there is no such thing as someone like Danvers, but Maggie will get through it. She’ll pretend that that it doesn’t kill her.  And she’ll do everything she wished happen when she was a confused teenager in the middle of Nebraska.  And it will be enough.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written and posted any fanfic in a long time, so please let me know what you think. Also, this ship is killing me. You can hit me up at zipzin.tumblr.com


End file.
